Thursday, 22 March 2012

I'm not sure, I don't know and I'm just not very confident

It can't just be me that feels like this? I'm not talking about in general (though this does exactly apply for my day to day existence too, sadly) but about politics.

These are the things I know about politics:
- The Torys* are cunts.

Oh wait, it was just one thing.

And admittedly I don't really know that. It's just a deeply ingrained belief stemming from having a father who was a labour councillor and a mother who is a life long labour supporter.

I could argue that it's a pretty accurate viewpoint (this I believe. The Conservative Party really do inspire such disgust in me that it seems an appropriately negative** word to describe them with.) between the budget and the NHS bill alone I wouldn't find it hard to come to that conclusion even if I only used a single week's worth of evidence. However, I don't think that argument would be my own opinion if I did attempt to give it, just layers of other people's opinions which I have heard over time.

There must be a reason why I, as a person in my own right, cannot give you a completely fresh, free from influence, opinion.

And I think there is, it's because I just don't know.

Politics encircles everything you do in life. Everywhere you visit, everything you do, everything you buy: it's involved right at the nitty gritty bits. You're not going to steal that dvd, because it's illegal, so you're going to take it to a shop assistant - probably being paid the minimum wage, which somebody has set for their age - and will purchase with money, including paying the VAT on it. It's everywhere. Everything you do has had so much thought put into it by someone at some point in time.

I don't notice it though. Do you?

Politics doesn't feel like it affects your day to day life. Not to me, anyway. No wonder I haven't seen a single Facebook status on the NHS bill. Nobody's heard about it, nobody knows what to think about it, nobody really knows to care about it, nobody knows what to do if they actually want to do something. I doubt it feels like it matters to them.

Where do I go to find unbiased political information? There isn't anywhere. You can read an MP's blog and that's fine and dandy but you know you're only going to hear one version of events. You can talk to people, good people, and hear about and discuss events but you know that everybody's language is coloured by their political leanings.

You have to rely on yourself. You have to have confidence to know you will take the actual information from a report, or a budget or a quick statement to the press. You have to trust you can cut through the doublespeak and carefully phrased sentences, to see somebody telling you about a major victory and know it's very minor.

This is bad news for the underconfident.***

I don't rely on myself to put on matching socks most days. Rely on myself to make politically informed, potentially life changing, decisions based purely - gosh darnit - on how I've understood something?! That's heart attack material. And the poor surgeon will be getting pretty wet while I sob with fear.

How can we possibly sort things out when most of the country - and I include myself utterly in this - simply haven't got a clue?

I feel as politically aware as frogspawn and that saddens me.

This entire post - and need to blog - has entirely been driven by the fact I feel utterly pointless existing when it comes to the NHS Bill. I feel like I'm witnessing a death. This post is me trying to voice how much I feel like a passerby without so much as a first aid certificate. I'd rather be a doctor.

*not Tory voters, necessarily. My best friend is one of those. I respect your right to vote for whichever fucked up party you fancy.
** I don't believe it should be a negative word at all. It's a fabulous word, all punchy and fun and pretend scary. But, society tells me what is good and bad to say, and whilst I blink a lot and disbelieve I still have to recognise that other people take a lot of notice of society's many, many opinions.
***I am aware that I may be an extreme example of an underconfident person, given that I wouldn't suggest having food if I was starving in case the other person didn't fancy it****. However I'm close at hand to plunder thoughts from to write this blog, so needs must.
**** Yes, I'm ridiculous. An agreed upon point, that one.